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GEORGE: Whatta ya got?
STEW: Whatta ya got?
SLIM: Whatta ya got?
GEORGE: Corn
STEW: Likker
SLIM: Nylons
BLACK MARKETEER 1: Whatta ya want?
BLACK MARKETEER 2: Whatta ya want?
BLACK MARKETEER 3: Whatta ya want?
GEORGE: I need some sugar. I need it now!
CHORUS: That bushel of corn needs to be reborn
GEORGE, STEW & SLIM: We need sugar but not for canning
CHORUS: What they make takes a lot more planning
STEW: I need some gas. I need it bad!
CHORUS: He can’t deliver his clear, corn likker
SLIM: I need some tires I need ‘em fast
CHORUS: Can’t make a run, His retreads are done
GEORGE: Need more sugar to make my likker
SLIM: Need more tires so my car drives quicker
STEW: Need some gas to make it run
GEORGE, STEW & SLIM: If we’re gonna get ‘er done
Dialog I
GEORGE (spoken as a woman with a bag of sugar walks in): Hey fellers, Look at that big, ol’ bag of sugar!
STEW: I reckon we sure could use some of that!
SLIM: Uncle George, Why don’t you go talk to the nice lady?
GEORGE (walking over to woman, sung): Hey there lady. Whatta ya got? I’m not really asking for a lot
LADY: Might have something right under your nose, but Mama really needs a new pair of hose
GEORGE: I get your drift. I see the light
LADY: Scratch my back and I just might help you out with something you need
GEORGE: Could you lady? (spoken) Purty please
LADY (spoken): We’ll see
Dialog II
STEW: What does she want?
SLIM: What does she want?
STEW & SLIM: What does she want?
GEORGE: Fellers, We’re in luck. She wants a pair of nylons! (Slim acts reluctant) Hand ‘em over Slim!
SLIM: Aah, Uncle George! I was gonna go see Dorothy over in Canon later.
GEORGE: I don’t care if you was gonna see Dorothy over in Oz later. Hand ‘em over!
(George hands Slim the corn in exchange) Now, Take this corn over yonder and see if you can get us some tires.
I gotta go get my sugar ( Stew has been drinking from his jug of likker pretty steady. George runs to “sugar” lady, calling back over his shoulder)
Stew, Get to work on getting us some gas.
STEW: (He takes another swig) Sure thing George.
(The fellers go to gather their stuff. Stew offers his likker, but nobody has any gas)
GEORGE (after he gets sugar, sung): I got some sugar. I got it now
CHORUS: That bushel of corn’s gonna be reborn
GEORGE & SLIM: We got sugar but not for canning
CHORUS: What they make takes a lot more planning
SLIM: I got some tires. I got ‘em now
CHORUS: They can deliver their clear, corn likker. They got sugar to make their likker
They got tires so their car drives quicker. If they only had some gas…
GEORGE & SLIM (George and Slim look at each other, spoken): Where’s STEW?!
STEW (pretty stewed, sung): Heh-heh-heh, Hey there fellas whatta ya got?
Dialog III
GEORGE: The more important question Stew is whatta y’all got?
STEW: Now George, Nobody had any gas.
SLIM: Whatta we do now Uncle George?
GEORGE: HMM, I just remembered something! My daddy told me that during the “Last Hard Times” people ran their cars on moonshine. My stuff’s just as good. Gimme that likker Stew! (George takes the jug from Stew but it’s empty) Aah Durn if he didn’t drink all the gas!
CHORUS: They went shopping at the old Black Market
Found no gas so they’ll have to park it
They can’t make their midnight run
‘Cause they didn’t get ‘er done
Dialog IV (after applause, George and Slim start dragging Stew offstage)
GEORGE: Durn it anyway! How’s a man supposed to make a living?
SLIM: Now Uncle George, Don’t take on so. C’mon, Let’s go see if Dorothy has a sister.
STEW (sitting up suddenly) Whatta ya got? (He flops back down again)
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